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April 20, 2012
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His voice enveloped me, and I became
Myself again--I heard it in the song:
A mordent on a note he held too long;
A stutter in his voice. I heard my name
In these and felt a happiness the same
As when I saw him first. Oh, I had longed
To hear him sing again, but this last song--
It was so beautiful. And it remains
The best of human works, though none shall hear
Its sorrowed notes; the lyre's meand'ring tune
Through vast arpeggios and Death's expanse
Except the dead. It will not disappear
'Till all the world's destroyed, and hell's exhumed--
Such music must be worth a backwards glance.
A sonnet! This is a companion piece to my Orpheus Sonnet, from the prospective of his wife, Eurydice.
OrpheusDarkness encompassed me; high-vaulting fire
Leapt and burnt the vision from my gaze
But though I could not see, I strummed my lyre
Until the music swept away the haze
And I could stumble onwards through the mire.
Now I strum no more. What use are lays?
Save to remind me of my lost desire
That I betrayed--let silence fill my days!
For I, whose song once moved the gods to weep
No longer can make melodies from woe--
No dissonance expresses pain so deep
And no music can be as beautiful

As that which I have lost. Let others come
And fill the void with noise--I will not strum.


It is written in petrarchan sonnet form, and was a bit of a struggle. I had a difficult time getting all the ideas I had about how she would respond into the poem--that's why sonnets are so challenging (and fun)!

Anyway, some questions:
Any awkward meter/rhyme/punctuation/grammar?
How did you like the turn? Too obvious?
What about the last line? I originally had "I know this must be worth a backwards glance." Which do you prefer?
Your opinions on the Eurydice presented here?
How does this fit with Orpheus sonnet, if you care to read that one as well?

And other comments/critiques/feedback are always welcome. :)

Thank you again!

(for twr: [link])
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-02-04
Eurydice by ~williamszm Suggester Writes: In this haunting sonnet, the author brings a tragic heroine to vivid life ( Suggested by LadyofGaerdon and Featured by Beccalicious )
:iconcelestialmemories:
I will answer your questions first and then give a complete summary of my opinion on the poem.

Any awkward meter/rhyme/punctuation/grammar?
I did not notice any awkward meter and the rhyme was very surprising! I actually liked the style that you used, something I had never seen before. The only problem I had, as someone else has critiqued, was the line “and Death’s expanse/ Except the dead” it kind of made me lose the rhythm I was reading with and as it has been said before it seems pretty redundant.
How did you like the turn? Too obvious?
I really liked the turn that you used. It was expected and obvious in a sense, but by being familiar with the myth there was not much you could really add towards the end that would still fit with the myth and be a surprise.
What about the last line? I originally had "I know this must be worth a backwards glance." Which do you prefer?
I absolutely loved the last line! It gave me the idea that “He is such a beautiful musician, why can’t Hades just let one look slide and let him have Eurydice.” I say with that idea in my head, keep with the line that you have written there. It’s very powerful.
Your opinions on the Eurydice presented here?
Eurydice is one of my favorite characters in all of Greek mythology, and very rarely do I see works from her point of view. Yes, Orpheus writing about her, or other narratives, but never Eurydice first-person works. What I loved about this Eurydice is that you made her very familiar with musical terms, many times Orpheus is just the knowledgeable one when it comes to music. I was pleasantly surprised.
How does this fit with Orpheus sonnet, if you care to read that one as well?
I really enjoyed the different perspectives that these sonnets presented. While Orpheus’ piece is simply of his trek through The Underworld and his sadness Eurydice actually claims how beautiful his music is and how it brought her back to life. While Orpheus curses the fact that he looked back, Eurydice criticizes the punishment—for why couldn’t that beautiful music provide just one little slip up?

This is an excellent poem! As soon as I read the title, I knew I had to click it and read it. And I was pleasantly surprised! This was so beautiful, and matched with the Orpheus piece, they can once again be brought together to form one of the most beautiful couples of Greek mythology! As a musician myself, I especially loved the musical terms you had incorporated within the work. You did an excellent job capturing this one moment from two different perspectives and two different emotions. I loved this. :star::star::star::star::star:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconladyofgaerdon:
I love this. You've really brought her character to life and explained her motivations. I definitely prefer "Such music must be worth a backwards glance." It's the perfect ending. I quite enjoyed the turn. :)

I didn't notice any awkwardness - indeed, the flow is quite perfect, I think.

The Eurydice presented here is very much how I would picture her - sad, regretful, but still very much - alive can't be the right word, obviously, but she does feel dynamic.

I read the Orpheus sonnet first, and I like this one better. That's probably just because I relate better to Eurydice. Her voice is just so strong here. But I quite enjoyed the Orpheus sonnet as well, and I think they go wonderfully together. I'm glad you wrote both.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
11 out of 11 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconvfreie:
VFreie Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2013
Not much to say other than I love your spin on Eurydice; this myth has always been a favourite of mine but I've always found it harder to empathise with her than with Orpheus. Until this poem came along. Thank you for that.
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:iconwilliamszm:
williamszm Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you, I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
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:iconakkajess:
akkajess Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013  Student Writer
Featured here: [link] :heart:
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:iconwilliamszm:
williamszm Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you!
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013
:worship: Hello! This wonderful piece of yours has been featured here: [link]
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:iconwilliamszm:
williamszm Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you!
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013
You're welcome.
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:iconpomohippie7:
pomohippie7 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2013   Writer
Your wonderful work has been showcased here: [link]
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:iconwilliamszm:
williamszm Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you!
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:iconpomohippie7:
pomohippie7 Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2013   Writer
You're welcome. :)
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